


2 years after the sanditon fire

by Buffalospecs



Category: Sanditon - Fandom
Genre: Multi, Sanditon sisterhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21669607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buffalospecs/pseuds/Buffalospecs
Summary: Suggested follow on from episode 8 sanditon.
Relationships: sidlotte
Comments: 9
Kudos: 74





	2 years after the sanditon fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sanditon sisterhood](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Sanditon+sisterhood).



They had written letters in secret for 2 years. Never letters of love or declarations thus but letters of friendship. He had tried his hardest to do as she bid him. To make Eliza happy and so he had settled in London, kept his marriage vows, accompanied her to the theatre and to balls and to the worlds eye they made a suitable and charming couple. They kept their own bed chambers and he rarely visited hers. When he did it was out of duty and if truth be known -though he felt guilty for it -to release his lustful thoughts for another he could not have. Eliza became frustrated and often angry in the privacy of their home and Sidney couldn’t help wonder if she regretted her decision to marry him. He often went to sanditon on business. His visits were torture to him but he could not do without the memories of Charlotte in that place though it pained him. Eliza had no desire to visit and so these were always alone. That afforded him the opportunity to journey regularly to each place that filled him with piercing memories of charlottes love for life, the openness of her spirit, the overwhelming feeling of passion that she ignited in him. He would often swim at the coves and walk along the cliffs and the darkness in his soul that he hid so well from those who knew him came in those moments. He occasionally let out screams of self pity along the cliffs. He knew the letters were selfish. They kept him connected to her by her written hand, he had not seen her face for 2 years but he could still read her words and feel her presence. He knew too that the connection between them could not benefit her in the same way since she was free to marry. He knew that his letters and her continued replies were only limiting the healing that could happen to her heart. And so he was lost in his own self pity and guilt. Guilt as he had imprisoned his dear Charlotte and guilt as he failed Eliza.  
He walked aimless along the cliff that day, clutching charlottes last letter to him with its tales of the Heywood farm and the exploits of her younger siblings one of whom was now married and tired from his journey from London where Eliza had told him the news that she was with child.   
The pain was overwhelming and all consuming. Could he love the child knowing that he no longer loved its mother? 

“Is that you Sidney?” Babbington could hardly take in the appearance of his friend. “Are you quite well?”  
“Well enough Babbington Thankyou” are you here long?  
‘We arrived yesterday, I felt the need for a constitutional as the weather was so bleak upon our arrival that I haven’t yet ventured out of doors and in truth Esther and the children are so full of noise today....  
I had not noticed you I heard a voice of a man I thought possessed but I now see that it is you Sidney!’  
Their eyes met and Babbington knew at once that all was not well. And because he was standing there in that place, the only place where honesty seemed possible and deceit impossible He began to tell Babbington the tale from the beginning to the end. 

Dear Charlotte   
I am in sanditon today meeting with Tom who as I’m sure mary has told you has more new plans now all the building work is complete. He plans to build a seafront hotel and whilst I am supportive in the main I felt the need to reign in his enthusiasm. Eliza is expecting a baby. This news means I will not be at the cricket or the regatta this year as duties will keep me in London. I heard from Mary that you were considering a trip to sanditon. I will be very sorry to have missed you.  
Sidney  
He worked hard to keep his letters sterile whilst he wanted to say so much more. Much more that would have been both improper and broken his vows of marriage. 

Charlotte did visit sanditon for the regatta that year. She was delighted to see that the building works were all finished, and was overjoyed to see Georgiana who soon was of age and was to be introduced properly to London society. This was to be her last month in sanditon. Charlotte often felt guilty that she had not visited her here before now but she found the memories so strong and so painful that she had preferred Georgiana to come to Willingden . 

“Oh Charlotte” I must claim you for Mary my dear on a matter of urgency. She has been called to London to be with Eliza as you know Diana is no use in such circumstances and Mary begs for your company” Tom was running towards her and Georgiana on the sand, his tailcoat flailing in the wind and he tried to make haste whilst the sand prevented any sensible forward movement.   
“Of course “ was what passed her lips but she felt nothing but trepidation. Go to attend the birth of Sidney’s first Born? Be there for Eliza whom she did not know or love? She would do anything for Sidney and anything for Mary and if this is what they needed her to do nothing would stop her. To think she would be seeing him after 2 long lonely years. She cherished every letter of his though he did not share much of meaning that she had not already heard from Mary or Georgiana. Nevertheless, she kept them all and read and reread them for days after their arrival.

After a rushed hour packing and preparing the carriage Mary sat opposite Charlotte and finally had time to talk. ‘Charlotte how glad I am that you agreed to come, Eliza you see has no sisters and her parents are both dead, Sidney sent word by express to say that she is not well and a doctor has been summoned. There is a chance neither she nor the baby will survive the hours ahead. I am sorry to put you in this position I know you may have had feelings for Sidney in the past but I know how capable you are and I am not sure I can weather it alone.’  
‘I am glad to help Mary, how dreadful for Eliza and poor Sidney to have to bear witness to her suffering’ and at that moment Charlotte even surprised herself for she felt only compassion for Eliza, the baby and concern for Sidney and what he may have to endure. How glad she was that they had written each other letters, that they were not strangers but friends. She hoped and prayed that that would be what she would feel when she arrived. Friendship and not longing.

Charlotte need not have worried for her heart as soon as she and Mary arrived in London it was clear that a great many practical considerations would keep both their minds occupied and Charlotte busied herself with many. 

It was not until late that evening that she saw Sidney. Eliza’s doctor had been there all day. He was worried as labour appeared to have started and then halted again, she was in a great deal of pain and there was a Greta deal of swelling in her face and body. Charlotte had let Mary attend to her as she was not sure she would be welcome but made sure the doctor had everything he needed and ensured all the messengers were attended to. 

‘Charlotte I hardly know how to thank you for coming’ Sidney looked pale worn and thin. ‘How is she?’ Asked Charlotte she tried to contain the emotion in her voice, she felt sadness, grief despair for all 3 of them at that moment.  
‘Eliza is settled for now thank you’  
‘I know only one woman who would put her own needs aside for another who doesn’t deserve it....Neither Eliza nor I deserve your presence here Charlotte’  
Charlotte didn’t and couldn’t answer that. It led to turmoil in her heart and she couldn’t control the conflict of thoughts in her head. Instead she poured him a glass of wine and asked cook to bring some supper.  
She left him alone and took Mary her supper.  
There was much chaos in the night as Eliza’s pain returned with a vengeance and a little boy was born in the stillness of the night, she looked even more swollen than she had and the doctor feared she may have convulsions. As the little boy cried for breath, Eliza’s body shuddered with great tonic movements and she began to bleed heavily. Sidney’s ashen face sobbing with I’m so sorry Eliza as Mary and Charlotte raced to get all that the doctor needed. Their efforts were in vain.   
The silence of those moments pierced with the shrill newborn cry coming from Sidney’s son. Sidney lifted in gently in his arms and wept. 

Charlotte found a wet nurse with the help of lady Susan and plans were made for Sidney to return to sanditon after the funeral. The house was quiet as Mary and Charlotte tended to all they could, there were many visitors and Sidney was spent and broken.   
‘Brother I am so sorry I will do anything I can to help’ Arthur lay a kind band on Sidney’s shoulder and they embraced. ‘Who should suffer but myself Arthur. Look at the mess I got into with Eliza. There was little love between us and her last days were full of suffering. She did not deserve this.’   
‘I believe you take too much upon yourself Sidney. Eliza knew your heart was not hers when you wed, she entered into marriage with her eyes open, you cannot blame yourself for what has happened. You must keep your spirits up for little john. He will be in need of a father’ ‘you speak as though you knew of my troubles before our wedding Arthur yet I do not recall discussing it with you, have I hidden my feelings so poorly?’ ‘I have born witness to your pain Sidney and am not ignorant of what the possible causes were’.  
‘perhaps you are right, I owe it to Eliza to do what is right by John, but how will I ever make amends for the thoughts I have had Arthur. I cannot pretend that I did not wish for an escape from my marriage on more than one occasion.’

And so it came to pass that Sidney and little john settled in Trafalgar house. This brought considerable joy to Alicia and Jenny who had long since given up hoping for a new baby brother now that james was a no longer crawling among their feet.

Charlotte and Sidney wrote letters often. His letters now contained more of himself and she often felt he needed her to listen as he unburdened himself of his guilt and sorrow. Charlotte kept her letters mainly to information about her family and questions about the Parkers and little John. 

On little Johns first birthday Mary asked Charlotte to come and stay. She was delighted but also apprehensive about seeing Sidney. Despite their frequent letters, it had been 9 months since they had been face to face.   
She was pensive and nervous as the carriage turned to run along the cliff edge where 3 years ago she and Sidney had parted and she told him he must make Eliza happy. So much had passed since that day and yet the only time together had been during that dreadful month in London. She looked from the window to see a solitary figure dressed in black on the brow of the hill signalling for the carriage to stop.   
As Sidney came towards her memories flooded through her, it took all her power to stay standing. ‘Charlotte, thank you for coming, I thought we might walk the rest of the way together? He said tentatively. ‘Of course, I would be delighted’.  
They walked in silence for a time. ‘I have much to say but I hardly know how dearest Charlotte’ she looked up at him with her questioning eyes.’I cannot imagine that you would be able to love a man such as me, one who betrayed you for another and was unable to care for that other as he ought, and yet my soul yearns for you. My heart has belonged to you for too long and I am not sure if i can go on without you’. ‘I come to ask if you would help me navigate this life and be my wife for without you I am nothing’   
He could hardly look at her as he spoke for fear that she might not share his thoughts. It seemed to Charlotte that there were a great many words still to share but at that moment despite the agony of the past she knew her heart would always belong to him. She lifted his chin with her hand and ran her hand through his hair and smiled.   
‘Was this the place we kissed 3 years ago Sidney?’And at that he bend his head towards hers and kissed her tenderly, holding her close. And there it came the passion that she had buried so well, the intensity of emotion of love and all at once it bubbled up and out as her body gave way to deep sobs. He held her tightly, understanding that what he asked her was not easy and hoping that she had it in her to forgive him. ‘Do I ask too much Charlotte?’ She answered him not with words but with her lips until she sensed his shoulders relax and his lips mirror hers in a passionate and deep embrace.


End file.
